Into the Blue

Last night, I was walking home during the major downpour, and it was rather peaceful. There was a moment where I my mind just slowed down even as I was walking quickly towards my apartment. I can feel that there's something changing in me. Something beyond Neptune trine Mercury. I welcome this change in myself.

I'm still hoping that I will be able tell J about my thoughts regarding sex and whatnot. I think that's what's driven me up the wall more than anything is that I haven't been able to express that. I want him to know that I didn't want that night to define what sex was like with me, that I don't want my lack of experience to define what I'm like. After all, despite the fact that I didn't come, he was good with it. I just wished that we had more time for foreplay. I also want him to know that I'm serious about exploring D/s and possible bondage. There's something that's very exciting about a man tying my hands up and having his way with me or receiving a call or a text telling me to wear for him or be in a certain way when he comes over or smacking me if I've been bad (I think that's why I like Maya Banks's books so much). Of course my fear is that he won't be responsive, and then what? I'm back to square one. I'm totally fine with just having sex with him, but at the same time I'd hope that he'd let me have the opportunity to be in a vulnerable place. I don't know what I'd do otherwise. There's something pretty accurate about me as a Gemini woman: I love the idea of sex, especially in books/movies/etc., but I'm not really going to go out of my way looking for sex. Then there's the Mars in Scorpio which makes me very kinky.

I've decided to name my piece "Into the Blue". It just seems to fit.