Jeez...

What a day of highs and lows. I went out with J tonight. I knew from the start that it was just for sex, and I didn't mind that at all. It's a mutual understanding between two consenting adults. Well, it was also my first time having sex. I knew it wasn't going to be this earth-shattering, completely romantic and orgasmic experience. It was fine. Little sore, and unfortunately, it was a one time thing (only one condom and he got sick). It was just weird because I kept thinking that it was Friday. He wanted to come to my apartment, but I'm not having that at all. Not until I've cleaned up.

On the downside, it looks like my friendship with M is over. Turns out that he's still in love with me, and he can't handle the fact that I've been intimate with someone else. It's so frustrating to learn because it had been three years since we were together, and even though he was seeing someone else, he had these feelings for me. I don't even understand. It sucks so much because he's my best friend. I've always confided in him. He's the first person I share my joys and sorrows with, and I've lost that. I guess it's something that just needs time.